Friday, May 18, 2012

Packing Is A Pain

Usually on Fridays I spend my time gallivanting throughout Midtown Sacramento with my boyfriend without a care in the world.

This is not one of those Fridays.

We leave tomorrow for Santa Cruz--one whole week of beach, good food, and room service. And since we've been living in Sacramento since last August, the beach sounds like a dream come true. It's been way too long since I've seen the ocean.

The only stressful part about this beach vacation is the impending doom that is going out in a bathing suit. I know my thighs are nowhere near ready for that business. When I even start to think about walking around in my bikini, the chemicals in my brain decide to jump off what I can only assume is the cliff inside my brain and I spend the next three hours crying with shame and disappointment.

 Put me down for two churros. One for my boyfriend and one for my infinitely decreasing self-esteem.
Because of this I begin this cycle where I believe that even though I'm bigger than most girls, I can dress myself the best way possible...trendy, even!

And that leads to odd, and humiliating, outfit decisions.

Are those clogs?
The worst part is that I don't realize my outfit is bad until it becomes overwhelming that so many people are dressed so much better than me--and they're only wearing jeans with t-shirts! How is that FASHION?!

Until the aforementioned realization, I am blissfully unaware of my awkward appearance. In fact, I feel like a movie star.

Movie stars get away with wearing weird stuff all the time! They even get away with wearing nothing at all!
 The moment that the bucket of truth water pours its contents onto my unfashionable head is a disheartening one. I then begin to believe that all of my clothes are awful and ill-fitting. Getting dressed in the morning becomes a nightmare. My dresser becomes a monster full of poor choices waiting to be made.

Well, fuck.
All of this leads to a solid week (or even two) of me just not getting dressed, or only going out at night, where the lighting is dim and no one can see what I look like.

Because of this cycle I've decided to make peace with my body. All parts of it.

I heart cellulite.
I am going to wear my sun dresses and bikini and shorts with pride.

Here I come, Santa Cruz!

Happy Friday!


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